No Day But Today...

So today was the memorial service for my uncle's mom. I barely knew the woman at all, but I've found over the past couple years that it is almost more traumatic and difficult for a person to watch those they love and care about struggle through the waters of grief than to actually be the one trying to wade through; you wish beyond imagination that there was something you could do to do ease the pain, to help in any way, but the only thing you can do is to be there.  I realize that sometimes this is the best thing and often it is the thing that provides the most comfort, but it's still hard when there isn't anything you can do.  You can't magically take away their pain or hurt, you can't go poof and have it all be gone and over, and you can't take away the thoughts and memories that haunt a person's mind whether wanted or not when they are alone with their thoughts.

I played flute for the service and needless to say it was very difficult.  I've played at other services and funerals before, but for some reason this was the most difficult ever. Seeing my uncle with his kids and aunt and cousin choking up when I played "On Eagle's Wings" was nearly my unraveling and I'm glad I only looked up once throughout the piece other wise I wouldn't have made it through.

It's funny how something seemingly so natural and simple for me (playing the flute) impacted so many people and really made it memorable for people.  I'm not just a recording that is popped into a cd player...it's more personal than that.  It's also interesting how so many people felt that I "was the highlight"...that was never the intent nor the purpose.  It was my gift to a family struggling in grief and I did it without want for recognition, appreciation, or thanks.  Thankfully the ones who matter know that.  When a musician does something like this, especially since I offered, it's not for recognition or praise or to write in the book of accomplishments...it's our way of coping with our own grief and our way of trying to help those we love cope with theirs.