No Day But Today...

Hello all my bloggy friends...it's certainly been a while.  I must say, I purposely stayed away. I was having a bit of a rough go, had a breakdown, got over it, and am now back to my uber-in-control-of-everything self with a penchant for writing, socializing, and being an all-round nice person.  Thank goodness, because the "me" that was last week was not a pretty picture.  To fill you in without all the icky details, I basically stayed in bed from Sunday til Tuesday, got through 5 whole seasons of ER, had a pile of junk food on my desk, and didn't want to be around people at all.  It was pretty bad.  With all the work that my mum knew I had to do for university, she finally came to me and asked if I was quitting school, because if I was then I was being kicked out.  That then triggered the breakdown where I cried for several hours and felt bad for myself.  I really don't even know why.  Combination of things I'm guessing: crazy amount of stress and strain at home right now between my mom going onto long-term disability, and teen issues to the extreme between my brother and my parents which then causes issues between the parental units themselves, add to that the stress of deadlines for school, working 2 part-time jobs, and planning for my teaching block, AND the fact that it was Valentine's Day weekend (which I will expand on momentarily) I just shut down, shut off, and didn't give a crap.  Dangerous territory for a perfectionist/over-achiever.  Yikes.

The whole Valentine's Day debacle went like this: yes, I'm an independent woman, (see David's blog post on The sexiest breed of woman - miss independent) and yes I don't need a guy in my life, I think I'm doing pretty well without one, however that does not negate the fact that I'd like a man in my life. All day at work on the Saturday before V-day I was asked by my co-workers what my plans for V-day were and if my boyfriend was planning anything special. I lost count how many times I tried to convince everyone that I wasn't seeing anyone, and that yes, I would be at home, alone, with a box of chocolates with bites taken out of them and a bottle of wine watching a rom-com.  That just made me realize how much I wanted that in my life - the boyfriend that is - not that I need it to survive, but I just want the comfort of knowing there's someone to cuddle up to, someone to cry to who isn't your sister/best friend, and someone who will make you laugh no matter what the situation.

So when my mom approached me, I basically just burst into tears and sputtered a bunch of nonsensical blubber about feeling weighed down, and not feeling good enough in my life, or for anyone, not being able to travel like my friends (one had just got confirmation of a job in Japan for a year working on robots, 2 others are studying out of province, one of which routinely travels overseas volunteering) and that I hadn't taken time off before going to university to get life experience, that I wasn't enjoying university, I didn't have social life because school was too important, my fears about not being able to be a good teacher, and on...and on...and on...*gasp for air* and on...I think I blabbered for about a good 10 minutes before I finally ran out of steam.  My poor mother. Oi.

ANYWAYS...that was my breakdown. I'm now over it, and back into school mode, getting 'er done, and going about my crazy, hectic life.

I have so much to talk about, but will do it in subsequent entries or else it would take days to read this single entry.  Before I pack it in for the night however, I'd like you all to take a moment and check out this video.  Please, please, please, PLEASE take a look at this video:



This week is National Eating Disorders Awareness Week.  This is so important.  If you, or someone you know is living with an Eating Disorder, please help them or let us help you get help...it's not too late. Trust me.

Here is the facebook event which also provides several informative links.  NEDA (National Eating Disorders Association) is an amazing association, please take the time to look them up too.